It’s been a wild ride so far, this BOD thing. Bowi calls me a member of the bored of directors. Yet I am totally the opposite. I have been constantly on my toes, concerned about one thing or another, working on a task, or meeting with people. It’s a full job, and I’ve been involved in this for more than a couple of months, I think.
For the past weeks I have relegated my income-earning projects to second priority. Only because there are things to do for the school, which is supposed to open in June. Because time is of the essence, school-related work needs to be finished before anything else. And also because, like I always say, it is my son’s school and he likes going there, and loves the people there. And finally because I love the children and could not bear to stay in the sidelines and simply watch as the school struggles to survive. Again, it’s my Sagittarian spirit showing itself, definitely unaware of the hurdles it needs to overcome in the coming months.
When I accepted the position a few months ago, things were a mess. I don’t want to sugarcoat this fact because this is the truth and I only want to write the truth here because it’s my blog. Things were a mess because there were people with huge egos, hypocrites who think they were entitled to things bigger than what they truly deserved. The children were fine, but the adults were making things complicated and ugly. As a newbie, I didn’t know who were on the side of good and those who were not. As the days passed, I began to understand many things, like pieces of a puzzle falling in place. Today as I write this, I have a clearer view of the whole picture. I cannot say I understand everything but at least I know some of the why’s and the who’s.
These are people who will do malicious things, and hide behind the cloak of innocence and righteousness. I am only doing this for the children, they’d say. Or, let us uphold the values and principles of our educational system. They say pretty things and blink their eyes, then turn around and ruin what many people, including innocent children, are trying to build so patiently with their bare hands. Ruthless beings who, on the outside, look every inch professional. Educated, decent-looking people whom the children look up to, trust and love, but who are capable of such malice and selfishness. I do not know how they can sleep at night.
If it were not for the respect that I have for my co-directors, I would have confronted these people. In two of my co-board members I saw such calmness and compassion and yes, love for those who attack us, directly or otherwise. The board never answered back nor gave them a dose of their medicine, which has always been my preferred action as far as school matters are concerned. But I am not the majority. I have the freedom, however, to write my honest thoughts here. I am writing not as a member of the board, but as a disgusted human being. At my age, I am still amazed how some people can be so cunning and vicious.
Where do you draw the line between compassion and justice? Surely there must be a limit to what you can ignore or let pass. How long should I fight this battle? It is easy to give up and simply move to a new school. Why am I even doing this? (Did I mention the BOD does not get a single centavo for all the hard work and the stress they go through?) The negativity coming off of these people is enough to make a person sick, so why am I even staying on? If I were a quitter, I’d say to the attackers, knock yourselves out, and then go.
I want nothing more than to have a good school for the kids. What about you, what do you want? These are my questions for those who seem to enjoy the demolition job that they have been doing. What will make you happy? Does it fulfill you to ruin our children’s school? I am this close to naming names, but I won’t, again out of respect for the people who have been working so hard for the school. But you know who you are, better yet, God knows who you are.
It’s become a true test of character, this whole business. Now I am sad, frustrated, angry and disappointed. I am human, after all. I cannot be indifferent. I cannot be calm, soft-spoken and composed all the time. Yet I cannot stop hoping and trying, if only for the children. I cannot let it break my spirit and put out the fight in me.
It’s a battle between good and evil, and the children are counting on the good to win this.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
April
The rains came early this year
drowning my longgans and chilis in April.
And yesterday my little boy came rushing home
balancing an insect carcass on his palm.
He asked me how it died, why.
I knew he deserved the truth
so I told him it probably got tired
of doing and buzzing the same
shit every day.
So it simply chose to die.
He went away after that, sobbing.
Probably regretting his question.
But knowing is a necessary pain.
It forces one to build a roof
over things that could die in the rain.
April 2009
drowning my longgans and chilis in April.
And yesterday my little boy came rushing home
balancing an insect carcass on his palm.
He asked me how it died, why.
I knew he deserved the truth
so I told him it probably got tired
of doing and buzzing the same
shit every day.
So it simply chose to die.
He went away after that, sobbing.
Probably regretting his question.
But knowing is a necessary pain.
It forces one to build a roof
over things that could die in the rain.
April 2009
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Two Women
M
She is a new friend. Pretty, independent and confident. Each time I talk to her I discover new things about her that increase my respect for her. These are discoveries that I am re-learning for myself. Simple but powerful revelations: enjoying life, being free, living in the moment, loosening up. Simple lessons she doesn’t know she is teaching me. I am grateful to her for making me remember ways of living that I used to practice but have forgotten as life became more challenging.
C
She is a celebrity I only met once. I talked to her for more than thirty minutes, about her life as an artista. And then about her loss. Hers is permanent but simple, mine is more complicated than that. Again she did not know that she was making me see my loss as something similar to hers. And why it is best to regard it that way. I remember breaking down many months ago not because I lost something, which is frankly less of an ordeal than the fact that I was not given the chance to say a proper goodbye.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
If a criminal attacks you, DANCE.
Last February 14, there was a global campaign about violence against women. It was called 1 Billion Rising and it involved, based on my limited knowledge of it, flash mobs of dancing women in different cities worldwide.
I don't see anything wrong with dancing women. Go ahead and dance all you want but never--not for one second--believe that it's going to solve the problem of VAW.
True enough, more than a month later, all the hype fizzled. The budget was spent, the shirts were given out, the videos and photos were posted. Only the tarps and posters along Morato are left flapping wildly in the air. I wonder how many women came out of the dancing empowered to fight the very real violence that plagues her every day.
My good friend said it was all about awareness. Well, it's not like people are unaware. We already know it's happening, we see it on the news every fucking night. A young girl was raped, a call center agent was kidnapped and raped, a student was robbed and left for dead, a businesswoman shot to death, and so on and so forth. Every. Fucking. Night.
Yes, I am angry. And you should be, too.
We don't need more campaigns that will tell us it's happening. We need campaigns that will empower women, give us the skills and the knowledge to fight back.
My disappointment about 1 Billion Rising was the fire that gave birth to Girl Power, a self-defense workshop for women. Of course, compared to the global dance campaign, this little project is such a tiny tiny tiny effort towards the same goal. I don't have the budget to launch a worldwide training program. But give me that kind of money and I assure you thousands of women will know how to fight for their lives in case they are placed in a crisis situation like rape, robbery, and the like.
I am grateful to my organization, Peace Blossoms Internal Arts Society, for supporting this initiative. I am grateful to our Director, Irene Chia, for believing in the project. And of course to the martial artists, Ton Delgado, Mar Salvador and Oscar Ejercito, who made the workshop possible. I am grateful to the few women who took the time to wake up one Sunday morning to learn skills that could one day save their own lives.
I am not a veteran activist in the women's movement. But I am a woman whose life has been shaped by fear and risks and many such unspeakable things. I know whereof I speak. And I assure you a dance number isn't what the women need. Next time you get a hefty budget to launch an anti-VAW campaign, spend it wisely. Think twice about inviting the artistas and the beauty queens and teaching women how to boogie. Teach them instead how to fight back, empower them and give them the skills to defend themselves.
(All photos by Irene Chia.)
I don't see anything wrong with dancing women. Go ahead and dance all you want but never--not for one second--believe that it's going to solve the problem of VAW.
True enough, more than a month later, all the hype fizzled. The budget was spent, the shirts were given out, the videos and photos were posted. Only the tarps and posters along Morato are left flapping wildly in the air. I wonder how many women came out of the dancing empowered to fight the very real violence that plagues her every day.
My good friend said it was all about awareness. Well, it's not like people are unaware. We already know it's happening, we see it on the news every fucking night. A young girl was raped, a call center agent was kidnapped and raped, a student was robbed and left for dead, a businesswoman shot to death, and so on and so forth. Every. Fucking. Night.
Yes, I am angry. And you should be, too.
We don't need more campaigns that will tell us it's happening. We need campaigns that will empower women, give us the skills and the knowledge to fight back.
My disappointment about 1 Billion Rising was the fire that gave birth to Girl Power, a self-defense workshop for women. Of course, compared to the global dance campaign, this little project is such a tiny tiny tiny effort towards the same goal. I don't have the budget to launch a worldwide training program. But give me that kind of money and I assure you thousands of women will know how to fight for their lives in case they are placed in a crisis situation like rape, robbery, and the like.
I am grateful to my organization, Peace Blossoms Internal Arts Society, for supporting this initiative. I am grateful to our Director, Irene Chia, for believing in the project. And of course to the martial artists, Ton Delgado, Mar Salvador and Oscar Ejercito, who made the workshop possible. I am grateful to the few women who took the time to wake up one Sunday morning to learn skills that could one day save their own lives.
I am not a veteran activist in the women's movement. But I am a woman whose life has been shaped by fear and risks and many such unspeakable things. I know whereof I speak. And I assure you a dance number isn't what the women need. Next time you get a hefty budget to launch an anti-VAW campaign, spend it wisely. Think twice about inviting the artistas and the beauty queens and teaching women how to boogie. Teach them instead how to fight back, empower them and give them the skills to defend themselves.
(All photos by Irene Chia.)
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Hear the Children Play*
Last March 10, I watched the concert of the Kolisko Waldorf School Ensemble with Bowi and Irene. It was held at the Henry Lee Irwin Theater in Ateneo. The special guest during the show was soprano Banaue Miclat. It was a special concert for me, in 5 different ways:
1. It was Bowi’s last time to watch the annual Music in Me concert-recital, because next year, he will be part of the ensemble! The school’s ensemble includes students from Grade 3 and up.
2. It was my first time to hear Banaue Miclat sing, and yes, she is wonderful. She sang numbers from The Sound of Music, like Do-Re-Mi, My Favorite Things, and Edelweiss.
3. The children, as usual, played exceptionally well. They brought some of the members of the audience to their feet towards the end of show. Great job, you guys!
4. The concert featured testimonials from parents and teachers in the community. Even Teacher Ford Pundamiera addressed the audience, for the first time after mounting three concerts in three years. I found Teacher Therese’s speech, though quite lengthy, entertaining and inspiring. I hope that the book she talked about will materialize, as I myself have been planning to write a similar book for many years. So far, I haven’t found the time to write it.
5. It was a big fund-raising effort to help the school build its new home in Heroes Hill. The members of the community have been helping each other find ways to raise enough money to cover for the costs of construction, moving and operations. We have a long way to go but personally, my hopes are up.
I am looking forward to next year’s concert and I am ready to find out whether Bowi will love playing in the ensemble, or not. Whether he will like the violin, the guitar, the cello, or none of these. I am ready to buy the most expensive ticket so I could sit in front and see him up close. (I have been buying the cheapest tickets for two years now.) I am looking forward to listening to the music in him.
Here is the link to the Music in Me article that I wrote for Rappler.
http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/23037-music-in-me-hear-the-children-play
*The title of this post should have been the title of my Rappler piece, but since they didn't use it, I decided to use it instead for my blog post/review of the concert. Sayang naman, cause I rather like my title.
1. It was Bowi’s last time to watch the annual Music in Me concert-recital, because next year, he will be part of the ensemble! The school’s ensemble includes students from Grade 3 and up.
2. It was my first time to hear Banaue Miclat sing, and yes, she is wonderful. She sang numbers from The Sound of Music, like Do-Re-Mi, My Favorite Things, and Edelweiss.
3. The children, as usual, played exceptionally well. They brought some of the members of the audience to their feet towards the end of show. Great job, you guys!
4. The concert featured testimonials from parents and teachers in the community. Even Teacher Ford Pundamiera addressed the audience, for the first time after mounting three concerts in three years. I found Teacher Therese’s speech, though quite lengthy, entertaining and inspiring. I hope that the book she talked about will materialize, as I myself have been planning to write a similar book for many years. So far, I haven’t found the time to write it.
5. It was a big fund-raising effort to help the school build its new home in Heroes Hill. The members of the community have been helping each other find ways to raise enough money to cover for the costs of construction, moving and operations. We have a long way to go but personally, my hopes are up.
I am looking forward to next year’s concert and I am ready to find out whether Bowi will love playing in the ensemble, or not. Whether he will like the violin, the guitar, the cello, or none of these. I am ready to buy the most expensive ticket so I could sit in front and see him up close. (I have been buying the cheapest tickets for two years now.) I am looking forward to listening to the music in him.
Here is the link to the Music in Me article that I wrote for Rappler.
http://www.rappler.com/life-and-style/23037-music-in-me-hear-the-children-play
*The title of this post should have been the title of my Rappler piece, but since they didn't use it, I decided to use it instead for my blog post/review of the concert. Sayang naman, cause I rather like my title.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Fa Jin: The Power in Tai Chi
I have been doing tai chi, on and off, since 1998 and I think my study of Fa Jin has been long overdue. Fortunately, Ed Ramirez (Liu He Ba Fa practitioner and instructor) organized a Fa Jin workshop on March 9 in Manila. He invited Tai Chi Master Chris Vogel (who teaches Push Hands as well) to give the Fa Jin workshops in three levels. I attended the first level workshop yesterday with co-Peace Blossoms Internal Arts Society members Irene Chia, Ton Delgado and Ding Chong Lee. There were only 5 participants, aside from Ed, his son, and Chris.
The whole day workshop was held on the fourth floor of an old building along TM Kalaw. While I appreciate the generosity of the owner and the efforts of Ed to book the venue for our event, I think Fa Jin, or any other Tai Chi routine/technique for that matter, is best practiced outdoors. It involves a lot of breathwork that if you do it for a long time with stale air, you tend to get dizzy after a while. It doesn't help that Fa Jin requires deep inhalation and forceful exhalation. I really felt that I needed to sit in detox when the session was over.
The workshop itself was excellent. For one thing, Chris is a great instructor. Very patient, very clear and flexible. The biggest thing about him, of course, would be his experience and knowledge, which he shares so selflessly with students who are serious about learning. The entire session went on for about six hours, focusing mainly on just a few crucial principles of Fa Jin. We went deep into the study and practice of each one, and even if it looked simple from the outside, the exercises taxed us in different ways: some felt tired, others felt a bit tummy-sick, some were exhausted, etc. There was a girl there who hurt her brain when she gave too much force in her strike. Feel free to guess who that silly girl was.
At the start I told Chris I was there as a challenge for him. After all, the event announcement read like this:
"When Tai Chi masters hurl their opponents easily with almost
effortless movement, these are not empty stories. These are
actual skills that all of us can learn to do. Tai Chi Fa Jin
is the ability to discharge tremendous force - like a speeding
truck - that can hurl an opponent or shatter his bones and
organs.
"For so long, Tai Chi masters have reserved Tai Chi Fa Jin
training for their more favored students while everyone
else just learned the solo form and some Chi Kung exercises.
When regular students asked their teachers how to develop this
ability, the Tai Chi masters merely told them to practice harder
and do the form in a much softer fashion. So, millions of
practitioners worldwide never really learned the secret stuff
behind Tai Chi."
As a small girl with a small amount of jin (internal power), I doubted very much if I'd go home after the workshop with the ability to hurl an opponent with effortless movement. To this, Chris replied: "It doesn't matter how much you've got, what's important is you move what you got." Needless to say, I was floored with inspiration. At the end of it all, and even after the short chat with Ed outside the room, I am positive it can be done. Maybe not at the moment, but with the right practice, perhaps soon enough.
All of us, certainly, were inspired to continue with daily practice. The fee (P1600 or P1200 for early birds) was worth it. I'm still thinking about whether to continue on to level 2. I believe it would take me months of continuous practice before I can make a wise decision. Just see first if I can go anywhere with my Fa Jin.
On hindsight, as I told Irene afterwards as we had merienda in Assad Cafe, Ed should not have opened it to beginners. I realized that a certain knowledge of Tai Chi is necessary before you go into Fa Jin, which is basically energy work. You can't even dream of doing Fa Jin if you haven't worked on proper breathing yet, for instance. But that's just me, based on what I experienced yesterday. It would be a challenge to a newbie, and I think even for some advanced students. It is, basically, a more advanced branch of Tai Chi.
Here we are, after the full day workshop. From left: Bobby?, Ned?, Chris, me, Irene, Ton and Ding.
And here is an example of how Fa Jin looks like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk_mwm5tgCY
You can read a related entry here.
http://prinsesaimelda.blogspot.com/2012/08/shibashi-and-energy-work.html
The whole day workshop was held on the fourth floor of an old building along TM Kalaw. While I appreciate the generosity of the owner and the efforts of Ed to book the venue for our event, I think Fa Jin, or any other Tai Chi routine/technique for that matter, is best practiced outdoors. It involves a lot of breathwork that if you do it for a long time with stale air, you tend to get dizzy after a while. It doesn't help that Fa Jin requires deep inhalation and forceful exhalation. I really felt that I needed to sit in detox when the session was over.
The workshop itself was excellent. For one thing, Chris is a great instructor. Very patient, very clear and flexible. The biggest thing about him, of course, would be his experience and knowledge, which he shares so selflessly with students who are serious about learning. The entire session went on for about six hours, focusing mainly on just a few crucial principles of Fa Jin. We went deep into the study and practice of each one, and even if it looked simple from the outside, the exercises taxed us in different ways: some felt tired, others felt a bit tummy-sick, some were exhausted, etc. There was a girl there who hurt her brain when she gave too much force in her strike. Feel free to guess who that silly girl was.
At the start I told Chris I was there as a challenge for him. After all, the event announcement read like this:
"When Tai Chi masters hurl their opponents easily with almost
effortless movement, these are not empty stories. These are
actual skills that all of us can learn to do. Tai Chi Fa Jin
is the ability to discharge tremendous force - like a speeding
truck - that can hurl an opponent or shatter his bones and
organs.
"For so long, Tai Chi masters have reserved Tai Chi Fa Jin
training for their more favored students while everyone
else just learned the solo form and some Chi Kung exercises.
When regular students asked their teachers how to develop this
ability, the Tai Chi masters merely told them to practice harder
and do the form in a much softer fashion. So, millions of
practitioners worldwide never really learned the secret stuff
behind Tai Chi."
As a small girl with a small amount of jin (internal power), I doubted very much if I'd go home after the workshop with the ability to hurl an opponent with effortless movement. To this, Chris replied: "It doesn't matter how much you've got, what's important is you move what you got." Needless to say, I was floored with inspiration. At the end of it all, and even after the short chat with Ed outside the room, I am positive it can be done. Maybe not at the moment, but with the right practice, perhaps soon enough.
All of us, certainly, were inspired to continue with daily practice. The fee (P1600 or P1200 for early birds) was worth it. I'm still thinking about whether to continue on to level 2. I believe it would take me months of continuous practice before I can make a wise decision. Just see first if I can go anywhere with my Fa Jin.
On hindsight, as I told Irene afterwards as we had merienda in Assad Cafe, Ed should not have opened it to beginners. I realized that a certain knowledge of Tai Chi is necessary before you go into Fa Jin, which is basically energy work. You can't even dream of doing Fa Jin if you haven't worked on proper breathing yet, for instance. But that's just me, based on what I experienced yesterday. It would be a challenge to a newbie, and I think even for some advanced students. It is, basically, a more advanced branch of Tai Chi.
Here we are, after the full day workshop. From left: Bobby?, Ned?, Chris, me, Irene, Ton and Ding.
And here is an example of how Fa Jin looks like.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yk_mwm5tgCY
You can read a related entry here.
http://prinsesaimelda.blogspot.com/2012/08/shibashi-and-energy-work.html
Friday, March 8, 2013
A woman I never met was buried today
Carmela.
She said she would die in the Philippines. She was here for around 20 years, according to Sister Jin. At 86, she was still handling the finances of Santo Rosario. The youngest amongst her siblings, she hailed from Italy, went to Taiwan, and stayed in the Philippines.
I went inside the missionary house not knowing that her remains were just about to be brought out for burial. There were nuns and lay people, guards and Italians. I never met Sister Carmela. It was only my second time in the house.
When the coffin was carried into the waiting vehicle, the lonely crowd broke into a solemn applause. An onlooker (me) would know and understand, without having even seen her in the flesh, that she touched many lives here. The house's staff members were dabbing at their eyes.
She must have known some kind of peace in the Philippines for choosing to stay here for the last 20 years, and for deciding to die here. And for telling her relatives in Italy that if she died, they were not to fly here but should rather donate the travel money to Santo Rosario Manila.
Probably the kind of peace she found here was the same peace that eluded so many Filipinos, locals who spent their entire lives here. This peace, I presume, is not determined by one's nationality or location. It's the kind of peace and happiness that are found only in the heart.
March 8, 2013
(Cafe Breton, after a short visit to Santo Rosario)
She said she would die in the Philippines. She was here for around 20 years, according to Sister Jin. At 86, she was still handling the finances of Santo Rosario. The youngest amongst her siblings, she hailed from Italy, went to Taiwan, and stayed in the Philippines.
I went inside the missionary house not knowing that her remains were just about to be brought out for burial. There were nuns and lay people, guards and Italians. I never met Sister Carmela. It was only my second time in the house.
When the coffin was carried into the waiting vehicle, the lonely crowd broke into a solemn applause. An onlooker (me) would know and understand, without having even seen her in the flesh, that she touched many lives here. The house's staff members were dabbing at their eyes.
She must have known some kind of peace in the Philippines for choosing to stay here for the last 20 years, and for deciding to die here. And for telling her relatives in Italy that if she died, they were not to fly here but should rather donate the travel money to Santo Rosario Manila.
Probably the kind of peace she found here was the same peace that eluded so many Filipinos, locals who spent their entire lives here. This peace, I presume, is not determined by one's nationality or location. It's the kind of peace and happiness that are found only in the heart.
March 8, 2013
(Cafe Breton, after a short visit to Santo Rosario)
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